You probably heard the expression “Some days are diamonds, some days are stones”.

When you are grieving, there is no question that some days are more difficult than others. 许多人没有意识到悲伤来来去去. 让我举例说明. 如果你喉咙痛, it is painful for a few days; then the discomfort diminishes till it gradually disappears.

悲伤 does not work in a similar way, though many people seem to think it will. 当一个人死去, people expect that your “pain level” will be very high in the first few days, 在葬礼上, 或者最坏的是几周.. 但一开始皇冠体育App常常感到麻木. 人们把麻木和力量混为一谈, 并期待悲伤的痛苦很快就会减轻和减少, 就像喉咙痛一样.

不是这样的! 有时在事件发生几周后,疼痛会更加剧烈. When the numbness wears off, we often feel worse rather than better.

悲伤就像过山车,总有一天会是美好的一天, 第二天就是糟糕的一天, 然后是更好的一天, 然后,你就明白了. We feel better for a while, and then find ourselves back in the depths of despair. 就在皇冠体育App以为已经过去的时候, 皇冠体育App又遭遇了一波悲痛, 皇冠体育App遭受了毁灭性的挫折.

Certain days are more significant than others inasmuch as they remind us more specifically of the person who died. 这些可能特别困难.. Sundays often represent family days; anniversaries; holidays such as Christmas and others when the person’s absence is felt. 例如,这个人的生日可能是艰难的一天, 当你回想那些特别的聚会时, gifts you gave them … a birthday after someone’s death is usually not a happy one. 但在你的生日那天,这也很困难, as you realize that they are not there to participate in your celebration.

You will be able to identify many occasions on which you miss your loved one, for the list is long.Think of all the days in particular throughout the year that could be hard because you miss the person: Valentine ’s Day, 母亲节, 父亲节, 复活节, 春天的第一天, or the opening of the football or sport season; the first weekend at the cottage or trailer; the summer holidays; Christmas. Then add all the special occasions like weddings, family get togethers, weekends. These can be difficult because they remind us of better days when the person was here, 相比之下,今天他们还没有.

When you don’t seem to be “getting over it” or when it feels like you are getting worse than better, 对于那些不了解这一过程的人来说,这可能会令人沮丧. 但请允许我提醒你,悲伤来来去去. 有些人把这些经历称为“悲伤袭击”. 我称它们为TUG,因为它们是悲伤中的暂时高潮.

有很多触发因素, usually simple everyday things: being in a familiar restaurant you frequented 与 your loved one; the scent of an aftershave or perfume; hearing a song on the radio that was special. So many things that remind us of the person who has died and each one has the potential to suddenly compel us to miss them again.


面对如此艰难的日子,皇冠体育App能做些什么呢? 首先, it is important not to regard them as "set-backs" for as tough as they may be, they are actually an invitation to come to terms 与 our loss a little more. 但当皇冠体育App问自己, 就像我会想念那个人一样, what can I do on that noteworthy day to commemorate their death and celebrate their life. 我怎样才能让这一天变得有意义呢? 这给了皇冠体育App一定程度的控制.

皇冠体育App能做什么? 我可以提几个建议吗? 最重要的是,我认为皇冠体育App需要记住. 悲伤让皇冠体育App想起,而不是忘记. 试图忽视这种场合, 或者假装它和其他日子一样是不自然的, 实际上增加了张力. 避免这种情况比避免需要更多的精力 面对它.

Observe these holidays and special occasions in ways which are comfortable for you.如果你觉得合适,你可以随意做出一些改变.记住,处理这些时间没有正确或错误的方法. Once you have decided how to observe the time and what you can handle comfortably, 让家人和朋友知道.

允许自己去感受和表达你的感觉. 那些特殊的日子往往会放大失落感. Share your concerns, apprehensions, and feelings 与 a friend or in a support group. Recognize that the need for support is often greater during holidays.Try to get enough rest, because those occasions can be emotionally and physically draining.

承认你所爱的人在家庭中的存在.Consider lighting a memorial candle at the dinner table or in the house to quietly include your loved one.Listen to music especially liked by the deceased or look at photographs or videos if it is not too difficult to do so.

不要害怕享受乐趣. It is natural to feel sadness, of course, but it doesn’t have to be all sorrowful. 大笑和快乐并不是不尊重.  Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate and take pleasure in one another.Can you get together 与 family and friends and take some time to share special memories or tell stories about the person. 是什么让他们如此特别?又是什么让你想念他们? Humorous incidents recalled can have a special healing quality to them.

你爱的人死了,这是真的,但他们也活了下来. 让他们的生日成为他们生命的庆典. 在那一天,你能做些什么来纪念他们的生命? Make that wedding or other anniversary a time to be thankful for what you had, 同时也给你一个机会去哀悼你所失去的. 在这一天花点时间记住并感谢那个人, 即使他们的离去会让人感觉强烈.

Try to remember the good memories that you shared 与 the person. 你知道,生日是对生命的庆祝. So what could you do that would celebrate the person’s life, even as you remember their death. What would you have done if they had still been here … could you do something similar, 好像他们在说, 充分利用每一天.

积极主动,不要被动. 换句话说,做些事情来掌控这一天. See it as another opportunity to grieve, to miss the person, to peel back another layer of sorrow. To pretend that nothing has happened is so unnatural 实际上增加了张力.  做些让人怀念和悲伤的事.

试着去平衡 为他们的死亡而悲伤 与 为他们的生命庆祝它会让那些艰难的日子变得更有意义.

你会对某事心存感激吗?  Of course you are sad because someone you care about is absent, and that is natural and it is right.  But can you be thankful for the years you did have and the memories you still share?  I believe we can be thankful for what we HAD as well as grieving what we have lost.  And are there people who WILL be there this year for whom you can be thankful? 

Don’t allow looking back at the past to spoil what you have in the present.  是的, 你想念的人不会在那里, 但是有孩子吗, 今天你可以享受的亲戚和朋友?  It may not cancel out your sadness but it certainly makes it easier.

You only have a one of two choices when it comes to grief at difficult times. 你是让日子控制你,还是你控制这一天?Either we allow the grief to dominate us, or we try to control it. By doing something … anything … to acknowledge our sadness that they are no longer here while at the same time celebrating the fact that they WERE here, 会有影响的..

还记得, 选择是,你可以流泪,他们已经走了, 或者你可以微笑,因为他们曾经生活过. 或者你可以同时做这两件事. 为艰难的日子做好准备, 提前做好准备, 然后尽你所能让这一天成为值得纪念的日子.